Falling in love with your best friend…

should be avoided. Simply because it can lead to less than desired circumstances.

The other day I was out for drinks with my friends (yes… Lisa and Jean, the usual suspects) and just when I thought I knew everything about their lives, they both managed to surprise me. It is amazing what a little bit of wine can do to an empty stomach.

The confessions made that night were less of the kind you make to your best friend and more of the kind you make in the safety of the confession booth. Behind closed doors and draped windows. So I admit I felt like an old, catholic priest, deprived of earthen joys but rich in heavenly love (yeah-right!).

Best friends are there to cover all courts, to kick-away malevolent peer pressure and to pump up confidence and teamship. Imagine you have a bad hair day… who’s going to speak to you about all the other good stuff that is going on in your life to take your mind off? Or say you’re having trouble at work and you want a fresh pair of ears to hear you and advise you how to deal with it all? There’s no point explaining what best friends do for us because it may mean all sorts of different things. But one thing is always in common: love. The kind of love which is full, unconditional and everlasting. And friendly!

But that’s the thing. Love is a force that cannot be contrained.  And combined with other elements such as physical attraction, spiritual attraction, common ways of thinking, well it won’t be long before friendly love turns to lovers’ love.

And then what? You see your best friend with a different set of eyes. The curtains that kept the side of your lovers heart no where near your best friend, have fallen. And all the vulnerability you never knew existed in you, surfaces.

And so, you still meet your best friend every day or every other day, you do all the things you used to do before but you find yourself seeking an opportunity to get closer to them and proximity gets a whole new meaning physically, spiritually. And when you are about to confess to them the predicament you find yourself in, so that you can free your mind from the constant deep thinking, to ease your esoteric pain and possibly guilt for seeing your best friend under this flesh-gratifying light, you withdraw. You stop. Out fear of the new, the unvisited territory of falling in love with your best friend. You constantly ponder: Will my confessions backfire? Will I end up losing my best friend? Well founded torturing questions which alter the course of your everyday life and your behaviour.

There are only two options here in my view: Either confess and walk through fire or take time off. Walking through fire sure as hell isn’t an easy task. But imagine how you’ll come out of it. Free. Possibly with burnt feet but above all else free. Possibly minus one best friend. But still, free. Freedom cannot be overrated.

Taking time off will ease your pain, only temporarily. Anyone who had to endure seeing their deeply desired best friend day in, day out and pretending to feel only friendly love when in actual fact they want to rip their clothes off, will understand that time off is a good enough option. It won’t set you free or anything but it will help.

Point is, we always have options. Falling in love with our best friend, simply isn’t one of them. In the sense that it is not a decision we choose to make: it either happens or it doesn’t. But when it does, we better equip for a bit of a rocky ride.

Bella Nars.

P.S Here’s to my best friends whose falling in love led only to good things.

P.P. S If it happens to you, don’t use this post as a guide. It is, but all wrong. Really.


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