Tag Archive | falling in love

Demons, my friends

I wonder if our fears had a colour, what colour would that be? Some would say black -the obvious choice. Mine we would probably be red. My favourite colour. I catch myself daydreaming of the void those ash-covered days when the heat-burning forests give in to the blazing summer and suck the oxygene from our lungs. Tall, snow-covered mountains equally deadly as the force of the untamed, ruthless, unforgiving ocean. Flirting with the unknown has been my nemesis ever since I can remember. Red, the colour of passion, the colour of love. And yet, if I could colour my demons they’d be red. Expectations, great or little they sting the same when they remain unfulfilled. 

As I jump forcefully from the cliff into the marine-glazing sea, I escape those demons that can only pull me back. They catch up with me as my feet hit on the rocks, the water fills my lungs my breath becomes but a memory of a time that was -in retrospect – happy.

Getting too close stings  yet staying away is numb. My demons are red and they’re pretty happy dancing in their shiny shoes all over my fears. Glad to have made the introductions. This is my kingdom, come.

 

Bella Nars

Why falling in love with Dima was the best thing I ever did!

If you’re anything like me, you’ve had your fair share of meaningless love quests. And that, because you were always too honest, too giving, too fussy over the object of your affection that the object remained just that: a faceless, unreciprocated love quest.

So, after countless teary nights over unreturned phone calls I called it quits. Yes, I quit from falling in love. It was pointless, time-consuming, soul-consuming and above all unfulfilling. I decided, to hell with love. It may not be in the cards for me after all.

Dedicating my time to my work was the answer for me. And it wasn’t difficult to do, either.I already spent hours on end working. So, I focused on what I was good at. Researching the law for business-sense solutions, and providing my clients with innovative answers. The appreciation that came with doing my job well, was enough for me.

What’s the gratification in any of this, a cynic would ask? Well, that cynic probably never tasted the bitterness of unrequited love or the dissappointment of dating someone who is afraid to commit, or afraid to take a risk or simply boring.

I was so sick and tired of weak men who were terrified of powerful women that I decided to invest my time on my work which at least paid for my way of life.

And my new life was perfect. Or so I thought,  until I met Dima.

Strong, confident, alluring, utterly appealing. He was impossible to ignore but even more so to get near to. Admittedly, he is a difficult person to get to know well. He blames it on his line of business, which makes him a popular target more often than not.

Even though my better judgement compelled me to stay clear from Dima, and anything he stood for, it was destiny or the force of nature -I am not sure which- that melded our lives in a less than orthodox way.

And then it all went uphill from there…

Bella Nars.

You can read all about it here:

http://www.amazon.com/THE-CLOSING-ebook/dp/B0081SNWYE

Falling in love with your best friend…

should be avoided. Simply because it can lead to less than desired circumstances.

The other day I was out for drinks with my friends (yes… Lisa and Jean, the usual suspects) and just when I thought I knew everything about their lives, they both managed to surprise me. It is amazing what a little bit of wine can do to an empty stomach.

The confessions made that night were less of the kind you make to your best friend and more of the kind you make in the safety of the confession booth. Behind closed doors and draped windows. So I admit I felt like an old, catholic priest, deprived of earthen joys but rich in heavenly love (yeah-right!).

Best friends are there to cover all courts, to kick-away malevolent peer pressure and to pump up confidence and teamship. Imagine you have a bad hair day… who’s going to speak to you about all the other good stuff that is going on in your life to take your mind off? Or say you’re having trouble at work and you want a fresh pair of ears to hear you and advise you how to deal with it all? There’s no point explaining what best friends do for us because it may mean all sorts of different things. But one thing is always in common: love. The kind of love which is full, unconditional and everlasting. And friendly!

But that’s the thing. Love is a force that cannot be contrained.  And combined with other elements such as physical attraction, spiritual attraction, common ways of thinking, well it won’t be long before friendly love turns to lovers’ love.

And then what? You see your best friend with a different set of eyes. The curtains that kept the side of your lovers heart no where near your best friend, have fallen. And all the vulnerability you never knew existed in you, surfaces.

And so, you still meet your best friend every day or every other day, you do all the things you used to do before but you find yourself seeking an opportunity to get closer to them and proximity gets a whole new meaning physically, spiritually. And when you are about to confess to them the predicament you find yourself in, so that you can free your mind from the constant deep thinking, to ease your esoteric pain and possibly guilt for seeing your best friend under this flesh-gratifying light, you withdraw. You stop. Out fear of the new, the unvisited territory of falling in love with your best friend. You constantly ponder: Will my confessions backfire? Will I end up losing my best friend? Well founded torturing questions which alter the course of your everyday life and your behaviour.

There are only two options here in my view: Either confess and walk through fire or take time off. Walking through fire sure as hell isn’t an easy task. But imagine how you’ll come out of it. Free. Possibly with burnt feet but above all else free. Possibly minus one best friend. But still, free. Freedom cannot be overrated.

Taking time off will ease your pain, only temporarily. Anyone who had to endure seeing their deeply desired best friend day in, day out and pretending to feel only friendly love when in actual fact they want to rip their clothes off, will understand that time off is a good enough option. It won’t set you free or anything but it will help.

Point is, we always have options. Falling in love with our best friend, simply isn’t one of them. In the sense that it is not a decision we choose to make: it either happens or it doesn’t. But when it does, we better equip for a bit of a rocky ride.

Bella Nars.

P.S Here’s to my best friends whose falling in love led only to good things.

P.P. S If it happens to you, don’t use this post as a guide. It is, but all wrong. Really.